Converting passive to active voice is a simple process. First, identify the sentence’s subject, or who/what the sentence is doing something. For example, in the passive sentence “Through him was running an icy shiver.” “Shiver” is the subject.
Next, place the subject at the sentence’s beginning. You would then have a sentence that reads “An icy shiver through him was running.”
Then identify the verb, or the words that describe what the subject is doing. In this case, it’s “was running”. Place those words immediately after the subject so that the sentence now reads “An ice shiver was running through him.” Finally, get economical by cutting out the being words – in this case “was” – and reworking the verb so makes sense in the sentence. The sentence we’re working on now would read “An icy shiver ran through him.”
You now have a sentence in active voice.
Sometimes you may have to replace the being verb with an active voice verb that actually shows action. For example, in the passive sentence “Miles of salt flats, a dry bed of crimson and pastel green, is between them”, “is” needs to be replaced with a verb. “Separated” would work much better. The sentence “Miles of salt flats, a dry bed of crimson and pastel green, separated them” is in active voice.
You Do It Rewrite the following passive sentences so that they are in active voice:
1. They had scanners that could detect movement even as subtle as breathing.
2. Tiassale was gesturing toward the rocks.
3. The men are following Tiassale across a rock field.
4. There was an investigation?
5. This is Chief Petty Officer Bly and Crewman Cailean.
Visit my Web site about writing science fiction, Inventing Reality.
(c) 2008 Rob Bignell
Tags:
active voice, being verbs, passive voice, style, verb tense
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How do you know if you have a passive voice sentence? Look for "being verbs” – these are verbs that show the subject “exists.” There are only eight being verbs: is, are, am, was, were, be, being and been. Also, look for the three words “had”, “has” and “have”, which are week fill-ins for the verb “possess”. If any of those words appear in your sentence, you need an active verb.
Visit my Web site about writing science fiction, Inventing Reality.
(c) 2008 Rob Bignell
Tags:
active voice, being verbs, passive voice, style, verb tense
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So you’ve written a scene jam packed with action, ripe with conflict and filled with tension – but every time you read it, the writing feels flat. The problem may be that you’re writing in passive rather than active voice.
Active voice is when the subject of the sentence does (or acts upon) something. In the following active voice sentence, the subject (streak of light), does something (arcs):
The streak of light arced across the sky as if a falling star.
Passive voice, however, occurs when the subject is acted upon. For example, the above sentence in passive voice would be written as:
Arcing across the sky was a streak of light, as if a falling star.
Passive voice generally should be avoided, for a couple of reasons:
n It’s dull - It’s like telling you something “exists”. In the above the example, the author really is saying “In the sky exists a streak of light.” Sleeker and more economical, active voice speeds up the story.
n It’s awkward - Notice how the phrase “as if a falling star” seems stuck to the end of the sentence, as if it is out of place. Rewriting the sentence so it’s in active voice would give the phrase a place to fit.
n It’s wordy - The passive voice sentence above says in 14 words what the active voice sentence says in 13 words. One word may not seem like much, but in a 100,000-word novel, it can mean a few unnecessary pages of copy.
Of course, sometimes “passive voice” is needed. You do need, on occasion, to tell people that something “exists”, especially when writing exposition. In addition, you don’t want to overdo it with active voice. The reader can only go at high speed so long before getting sick.
Visit my Web site about writing science fiction, Inventing Reality.
(c) 2008 Rob Bignell
Tags:
active voice, being verbs, passive voice, style, verb tense
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Perhaps the most common mistake among novice writers is that tell rather show.
To “tell” what happens is to state it directly, as might occur in a newspaper article. For example:
Lambert was excited to see another boot print.
To “show” what happens, however, is to present the events without being told directly how one feels or reacts. The above example of “telling” could be rewritten to show Lambert’s excitement:
“There’s another one!” Lambert said, pointing at the boot print.
The “show” example is far more dynamic writing. It helps create for the reader a sense of illusion that he is in the story, observing and even participating in the action. This helps generate dynamic tension and causes the reader to invest more in the character.
As a fiction writer, you’ll want virtually all of your sentences to show rather than tell. There a few instances when the author needs to “tell” – such as quickly providing a back story or to make dialogue sound realistic – but such occurrences should be rare.
As writing, look for words such as “was” “were” “is” “be” and “being”. These words usually indicate you’re telling rather than showing. Also, watch for nouns that are emotions, such as “angry”, “sad”, “happy”. Such words usually mean you’re telling rather showing. Rewrite those sentences so that you’re describing the action.
Showing rather than telling can be hard work for writers. Finding just the right words to describe how someone is excited or angry requires more thinking about the scene. But it’s well worth the slowdown and the sweat. You’ll have a much better story – and one that’s much more publishable as well.
You Do It
Rewrite the following sentences so that they show rather than tell (sometimes you’ll need more than a lone sentence to describe the emotion or action):
n Thales was mad.
n The children became scared of Thales.
n Thales was embarrassed.
n Thales felt pain as he walked.
n Anaximander found his teacher amusing.
Visit my Web site about writing science fiction, Inventing Reality.
(c) 2008 Rob Bignell
Tags:
description, dramatic tension, passive voice, style
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